


Brother Mine: Hikarus Story

by SpaggyB



Category: Ouran High School Host Club - All Media Types
Genre: Hikakao, Hikaru x Kaoru, Hitachiincest, Incest, M/M, NSFW, Twincest, hitachiinsmut, twiincest
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-01
Updated: 2015-04-06
Packaged: 2018-03-15 19:56:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3460007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpaggyB/pseuds/SpaggyB
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hikaru had always been impulsive, reckless and stubborn to boot, so when he feels that he isnt getting enough attention from his twin brother Kaoru over the summer break, he decides to run off with a girl to make him jealous. Before long though, Summer break is over and not only is Hikaru left feeling guilty, hes also caused a rift between the twins that he is desperate to close. But the harder he tries to fix his mistake, the further away his brother seems to slip, and he starts to realise that his feelings run a lot deeper than he thought...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Once again, Hikaru felt the soft brush of foreign skin against his hand as he walked along down the main street next to his girlfriend Kaori, and once again, he hesitated. He knew that when a girl walked close enough to a boy to let their fingers touch it meant that she wanted to hold his hand, but for some reason each time he felt it, it made him just a little more uneasy. He’d never held a hand that wasn’t his twin brothers before, and the idea of being so intimate with someone else set him on edge. He risked a nervous side glance at the girl next to him, but nothing in her seemingly content expression told him anything about what was running through her mind. He swallowed dryly, and decided to move away, just an inch to put some space between them, but was too late. He felt her fingers close around his, and their hands were drawn together.

He tried not to react as he felt his whole body stiffen. Her hand was soft and gentle, but it felt like such an imposter against his palm. It was smaller than Kaorus, the fingers just a touch shorter, the joints slightly thicker. It didn’t feel right to hold, and it only made him that much more aware of his brothers absence, sending an odd sense of guilt shooting through him.

“Mmm… its starting to get dark, maybe we should head home.”

Koari’s gentle voice cut through Hikarus thoughts, and his attention was snapped back to the present. Looking around, he saw that she was right and the sun was going down. All around them, the cafes and stalls were being packed and closed up for the night, while the restaurants and bars were setting out their night menus and swinging open their doors.

“Yeah, I guess so.” He answered, eyeing off a table at a nearby Italian place. “Do you want to get something to eat before we do?”

She agreed, and Hiraku lead her over to the restaurant, choosing an outdoor table situated near one of the standing heaters. The place had a quaint alfresco set up, with soft lighting and a wooden deck, and it was a place that Hikaru greatly enjoyed. In fact, it was the same restaurant he and his brother Kaoru had eaten on their first night of summer vacation when they arrived in the little town, but he would never admit to anyone that that’s why we chose it for his last.

The food was good, the conversation entertaining, but sitting there with her instead of him just gave everything a slightly duller edge, and Hikaru found that he just wasnt enjoying himself, something that, to his dismay, didn’t go unnoticed.

“Hikaru, do you really like me?”

The question threw him, and for a moment he sat there in silence.

“O-of course I do!” he tried to laugh, but the sound jarred in his ears. “You’re wonderful, I like spending time with you.”

It wasn’t exactly a lie, but it wasn’t the full truth either, and the guilt that he had been supressing for days started to eat away at him again. Truth be told, Hikaru had only returned her interest because he was feeling neglected by his brother, but by the time he had cooled his head, he was in too deep to find a way out. The knot in his stomach twisted uncomfortably as he watched a grin spread out on her face.

“I like spending time with you too Hikaru! It’s such a shame tonights the last night of vacation,” his heart skipped a beat as she shot him a coy smile from under her lashes. “I really don’t want to leave you tomorrow…”

He could only manage an awkward smile back at her before quickly suggesting that they head off.

Back on the main street, they hailed a taxi to take them back to her villa. Like Hikaru, Kaori came from a well off family, and they owned their own property around this area. In fact, the twins had met her a few times before at functions and gatherings, and the knowledge that she had always shown a particular interest in them twisted the guilty feeling in Hikarus stomach. Truth be told, he was taking advantage of her feelings, something he certainly wasn’t proud of, and deeply regretted.

She lead him upstairs to her bedroom, a now familiar setting for the pair. He took a seat on the end of the bed, but stayed silent while she pottered around, hanging up her jacket and putting her bag away. He glanced around nervously, feeling awkward and out of place. More than anything he wished he could climb into bed next to his brother and curl up against him like he hadn’t been able to do in what felt like such a long time, even though it had been less than forty eight hours. He had spent a few nights of the summer vacation with his girlfriend in this room, and had lost a lot of sleep. Not because they were doing anything in particular, simply because Hikaru just did not sleep well next to someone who wasn’t his twin.

As if on cue, Kaori sat down on the bed next to Hikaru, uncomfortably close. Before he could find an excuse to move away, she had leaned in and pressed their lips together. Of course they had kissed before, but it only worsened the guilt Hikaru felt. His hands curled into fists on the mattress as her mouth moved against his, and before long, he pulled away.

“It’s getting pretty late…” he tried to act nonchalant about it, but failed miserably. “I should probably get home…”

His words were cut off by Kaori’s lips back on his. His eyes widened in surprise as he registered the determination behind her movements, and his hands instinctively closed around her shoulders. His mind reeled, trying to make sense of what was going on as he tried again to pull away, only to find his shirt being pulled up over his head.

“Whoa, whoa Kaori wait!”

She had abandoned his mouth now, and her lips were making their way down over the skin of his jaw and neck, her hands running down his back. Hikaru could feel his body responding, and he tried desperately to supress it. He didn’t want this, he didn’t want to be here, he had to stop her.

 “Kaori, just hold on a-“ He hissed a breath between his teeth as he felt a sharp pain near his collar bone, and instinctively shoved the girl by the shoulders back away from him. The air around them was tense as they stared into each other’s eyes, Hikarus confusion being met with an almost overwhelming determination.

He swallowed dryly before speaking.

“Kaori… I’m sorry but I really don’t think this is a good idea…” his words trailed off as he saw her face fall.

Silently, she moved away from him on the bed, looking down at the floor. He could tell she was utterly dejected, and he was at a complete loss. Not knowing what else to do, Hikaru picked up his shirt from where it had fallen on the floor, and pulled it back on.

“You really don’t like me do you?”

A stab of guilt shot through Hikarus stomach at her small voice. He ground his teeth together, trying to think of a way to put it without hurting her even more.

“Its… not that I don’t like you, Kaori, because I do, really…” he shifted uncomfortably. “I guess I’m just not comfortable with this kind of thing… like, at all…” his words trailed off as he stared at his hands. More than anything he just wished he could see his brother.

Kaori sniffed, still looking at the floor.

“You should go.”

He glanced at her, slightly started at her bluntness, but couldn’t see her face behind her curtain of hair. With a small sigh, he stood up and, when she didn’t say anything else, awkwardly shuffled towards the door. On one hand, he was relieved to be out of that situation, but on the other, he felt terrible for leading her on the way he did. He knew she wanted more out of their relationship, and he knew he couldn’t give it to her, but he kept playing along. Why? He could hardly even remember the reason.

Pulling his jacket on, he set off back towards his family’s villa, and back towards his twin.     


	2. Chapter 2

The walk took longer than he thought, and by the time Hikaru had made it back to the Hitachiin villa, he was freezing cold, his feet were sore and he was internally kicking himself for not calling a taxi. All feelings of guilt over the nights events had left him as he slipped into the sleeping house, only half-heartedly trying to keep the noise down as he trudged up the stairs to the room where his brother was surely sleeping.

Each step he took towards their bedroom seemed to remind him of why he left in the first place. Ever since summer had started, all that his brother had talked about was Haruhi, a classmate of theirs back at Ouran High School. He was constantly texting her and talking to her, he hardly paid any attention to Hikaru at all, which was why he had chosen to take Kaori up on her offer of a date. Even though when he was with her all he could really think about was Kaoru, whenever he returned to his brother, the feeling of resentment that had built up came crawling back.

By the time he had reached their closed bedroom door, he found himself half hoping that Kaoru would be awake, kept sleepless due to his absence. But no, when he opened the door he was met with a quiet room, and the silent form of a person sleeping soundly in bed, and he couldn’t stop the bitter disappointment from rising in his throat. Haughtily, he all but slammed the door, cutting off the little glow of light that had been subtly illuminating the room, and stomped across the floorboards in the dark, actively trying to make as much noise as possible in the cotton slippers he’d picked up in the foyer, without much success.

“Ow!”

He didn’t get very far before his foot made contact with something solid and heavy thrown haphazardly on the floor. Reaching out in the dark, he managed to find and light the small lamp sitting on the desk, which revealed the culprit to be Kaoru’s awfully packed luggage, with zips still undone and clothes hanging out all over the place. A small, sighing moan from the bed caught Hikarus attention, and he turned, almost eagerly, to see if the light had woken his brother up. However, Kaoru only gave a grunt and rolled over, and Hikaru ground his teeth together in frustration. He knew it was selfish and petty, but part of him wanted Kaoru to wake up and notice he was home.

Unwilling to go to sleep yet, Hikaru sat down on the floor next to his own luggage, and started opening it up, not bothering to keep quiet. Maybe if he crashed around the room a bit, the noise would make Kaoru notice him, so he made himself busy packing up his things, crawling here and there to grab a book or a shirt that was lying around. Every so often he would throw a glance towards the bed, but nothing changed. Kaoru was too deeply asleep to be woken up, and when Hikaru finally zipped the neatly packed luggage closed, his resolve was broken and his eyelids were heavy.

Sitting on the floor, he rubbed his hands over his face and through his hair before letting them fall to his sides. He took a moment to watch his sleeping twin, and wondered what had changed between them so much that he would feel jealous over someone else. Honestly, he knew there was nothing going on between Kaoru and Haruhi, but he just couldn’t stop the feelings of rejection and hurt from surfacing every time his brother said her name, even though he knew full well that it was his brother who had supported _him_ the previous year when Hikaru had decided he wanted a relationship with her.

Sighing, he picked himself up off the floor, moved his luggage to the wall next to their door and turned the lamp off before quietly slipping under the blanket. Kaoru, disturbed by the movement, gave a discontented groan before rolling over and unconsciously throwing an arm over Hikarus chest. Laying like that, all feelings of jealousy and resentment vanished from Hikaru, if only for a moment. At least for the next few hours it would only be him and his brother, like it had always been. Even if they were both asleep, they would be together, and that’s all that Hikaru had ever wanted.


	3. Chapter 3

The next day dawned bright through the bedroom window, the sun shining directly onto Hikarus face. He scrunched up his eyes against the intrusive light, throwing the arm that wasn’t being pinned to the mattress by Kaoru across his head to block it out while he woke up. He could instantly tell his brother was still asleep, shielded from the sun by his own body, and he found that he really didn’t want to move and wake him, a stark contrast to the feelings he had the previous night when he had gotten back. The memory of trying to inadvertently wake his brother the night before lead him to remember the events that happened before he had come home, and he glanced at his phone that was charging on the bedside table. The absence of a flashing light told him there were no missed messages or calls, and his gut twisted with the beginnings of guilt.

Swallowing it down, Hikaru gingerly slid his arm out from around his brothers shoulders, and careful climbed over him in order to get out of bed. They really did have a long day ahead, since it was the second last day before school went back, and they needed to make the return journey back to the city, so he rubbed the sleep from his eyes before glancing around the half packed room. Now that he could see properly, it was obvious that Kaoru really hadn’t given packing his luggage much thought at all, and he sighed in defeat, knowing that if they were going to leave on time, he would have to pack it himself. It was almost funny. Most people they knew thought that Kaoru was the neater, more organised of the twins, when in actual fact it was the other way around.

Leaning over the bed, he gently grabbed Kaorus shoulder and started shaking him awake.

“Kaoru! Kaoru, wake up, we need to go.”

Kaoru groaned and rolled over, leaving Hikarus palm empty. He was going to give him another shake, but decided against it, very much used to his twins habit of waking up slowly. He left the bedside and his stirring brother, and walked across the room to wear Kaorus luggage was still sitting. Hoisting it up onto the bed, he glanced across at his twin as he sat up, rubbing his face under a wildly dishevelled bed head.

“What’re you doing? I already packed that.”

Hikaru shot his brother a scowl.

“You didn’t even try,” he remembered hitting his foot on it when he had come back, and decided to only exaggerate a little bit. “I almost broke my ankle getting into bed last night.”

“What?”

He gritted his teeth. So Kaoru really hadn’t noticed…

“What time did you get in? I thought you had stayed out all night again.”

Hikaru tried not to let his annoyance show as he roughly folded his brothers clothes, throwing them into the suitcase almost as haphazardly as his brother had. Was it really too much to ask for his twin to be even slightly aware of him?

“Um… about one maybe?” God he didn’t know, he hadn’t checked the time. “You were way out of it.” He couldn’t stop his words from coming out short, so he just zipped the now packed suitcase closed and turned away from the bed, only slightly hoping Kaoru hadn’t picked up on his mood. Dragging the luggage to the door, he set it besides his own while subtly trying to take a deep breath to calm himself before turning back to his brother, who was still sitting in bed. Kaoru really was completely oblivious, and the thought of it only deepened his frustration.

“Kaoru, get up and take a shower.” His voice sounded sour in his ears. “We’re leaving soon, it’s a long drive back, you know that.”

Kaoru simply waved his hand at his brother, dismissing him and turning to face out the window making Hikaru grit his teeth.

“I don’t want a shower, you go ahead.”

“Ahh, fine.”

Maybe a shower would calm him down a bit. He really did know he was being unreasonable, but he still made it as obvious as he could that he was getting undressed in the bedroom instead of waiting to get to the bathroom. At this stage, he just wanted to know that _something_ he did would be enough to catch his brothers attention, so he threw his shirt to the ground with a little more force than necessary, and kicked off his pants so the waistband snapped against one of his ankles. However, Kaoru continued to gaze absently out of the window, and Hikaru entered the bathroom unnoticed.

He was starting to be just as angry with himself as he was with his twin when he opened the tap, causing a warm steam to appear in the room almost instantly. He dunked his head under the running water, letting the heat run over him, seeping into his cluttered mind and tense muscles. Staring at his feet, he envisioned the annoyance and frustration he felt towards his twin swirling away down the drain, and he closed his eyes, breathing the cleansing steam into his lungs.

A few minutes passed in still silence before he sighed and opened his eyes, instinctively reaching for the body wash that usually sat on the edge of the shower. Of course he had packed it away the previous night. He contemplated just leaving it, but decided against it. He didn’t have a shower the day before, so he really did need a proper wash.

He left the water running, wrapped a towel around his waist and stuck his head out the door, glancing around for his brother, who was _still_ in bed.

“Kaoru, get up, seriously we need to go soon.” He shook his hair out of his face as Kaoru turned to look at him. “And can you please get me the body wash from my bag? I don’t want to leave water all over the floor.”

Kaoru stared at him, silent. Was he ignoring him? He had a strange look on his face that Hikaru had trouble placing. Maybe he was still waking up? He repeated his words, raising his voice a little.

“Kaoru! Oi! Are you listening to me?!”

Finally he saw some kind of recognition on his twins features as he raised his eyes, but his mouth was still set in a firm line. What on earth had gotten into him?

“Is that a hickey?”

What did he just say? Hikaru frowned. Surely he heard wrong.

“What? I asked if you could get me the body wash from the…”

He wasn’t able to finish his sentence.

“Is that… a hickey?”

He was sure he heard right that time, but what was Kaoru talking about? He stepped out of the bathroom, his brow furrowed.

“A hickey?” The brief memory of a sharp pain near his collar bone caused by Kaori flashed through his mind, but he supressed it. Theres no way she would have left something like a hickey on him… “No? Where?”

A strange feeling started to seep into his stomach as Kaoru slid over the side of the bed, sitting up ram rod straight. Hikaru glanced at his brothers hands, and sure enough they were clutching onto the mattress, so tight the knuckles were turning pale. He nodded in Hikarus direction.

“There, on your shoulder.”

Hikaru scurried back into the bathroom, hastily wiping the fogged mirror clean so he could see his reflection clearly. He couldn’t help but give a surprised cry as he noticed that sure enough, sitting right beneath his collar bone was a small, round bruise. Kaori really had left a hickey on him. He turned to shut off the still running water, an odd sense of excitement building up in his body. This was his chance to finally get the reaction he craved out of his brother!

He returned the doorway, unable to stop the sheepish grin from spreading across his face as he poked at the bruise.

“Ah… yeah, I guess it is…” he saw Kaoru tense, and it spurred him on. “She said she wouldn’t leave anything but… gah this is embarrassing…”

Technically, that was a lie, but Hikaru was too giddy to care much about his morals. Kaoru was paying attention to him!

“I guess she lied then.” Kaoru spat the words, and looked away scowling deeply. A twang of rationality shot through Hikaru, and the idea that maybe he was going too far started to wander through his mind, but he shoved it aside.

“Im sure she didn’t mean to.” He tried to make his voice sound as nonchalant as possible, throwing in a shrug for effect.  “Besides, it’ll fade in a few days. I’ll just make sure to wear a shirt everywhere til then.”

“It’ll still be there though.”

Hikaru was starting to realise that Kaoru was actually a lot angrier than he thought, and he began to second guess his actions. Technically, it was his own entire fault, but if Kaoru had just noticed him a bit more to begin with…

“It’s just a hickey, Kaoru…”

Kaoru whipped his head around to stare absolute daggers at his twin, and Hikarus excitement from earlier instantly evaporated. He hadn’t realised Kaoru would react this negatively, he thought he might just be a bit annoyed. His thoughts were cut off by his brothers words.

“ _Just_ a hickey? It’s not _just_ a hickey, Hikaru!” Hikaru blanched at his brothers tone, starting to feel angry himself. “It’s… it’s…”

“It’s what, Kaoru?” Hikarus natural defensive anger flared up against his brothers, and he shot back. “None of your business? What do you care if I have a hickey or not?”

Kaoru roared to his feet, anger radiating off him in waves.

“What do I care? Of course I care! You’re my brother and that slut has gone and branded you! And you let her!”

Hikarus anger turned to full-fledged fury at his brothers words, and his voice raised to a shout.

“You watch your mouth Kaoru, she is not a slut!” How _dare_ he say something like that, he didn’t even know her! “And saying she _branded_ me?! Who do you think you are?” A small thought reminded him that if he hadn’t of lied then none of this would have happened, but he was too far gone to pay it any attention. “It’s none of your business what I do and don’t do with other people!”

Kaoru looked as though he was going to yell back, but instead he just sat down on the mattress, rubbing his hands over his face. Hikarus heart was racing, panic threatening to overwhelm the anger. This isn’t what he wanted at all, this isn’t how it was supposed to go! He just wanted to make Kaoru a little jealous or something, he didn’t want to fight with him. He needed to make this right.

He took a deep breath and was about to speak up when Kaorus beat him to it.

“Just go have your shower Hikaru.” The coldness in his voice cut through Hikaru, making him grimace. “We need to go soon.”

Hikaru couldn’t say anything, so he just turned on his heel and strode back into the bathroom, his edginess causing him to close the door with a little more force than he meant to. Leaning on the counter, he stared at the bruise on his skin. Why did he do that?

With a sigh, he returned to his shower, not even noticing the absence of the body wash. 


	4. Chapter 4

The hot water managed to calm him down somewhat, and by the time Hikaru had turned off the shower, dressed and was ready to leave, he had decided to just let it go. He knew he should tell Kaoru the truth, but fessing up to lies really wasn’t one of Hikarus strong suits. In fact, he’d never actually lied to his brother before at all, ever, and he really didn’t even know where to start. So, he just acted natural, thinking that if he didn’t make a big deal of their spat than Kaoru wouldn’t either. However, he couldn’t help noticing Kaorus eyes darting again and again to his chest, and the whole car ride home had an air of tension about it that made him that much more uncomfortable. Whether or not Kaoru noticed, however, he had no idea.

For the next two days, Hikaru took the upmost care to always have a shirt on around his brother. Even when he was sleeping he wore a light cotton top, although, because he usually only slept in boxers, his nights became restless. More than once he found himself feigning sleep while his brothers fingers idly ran over the bruised flesh under his shirt, and each time he was thrown into an internal war with himself over whether or not he could confess. He never did though, and a few days after school went back, the hickey was gone completely.

Despite the fact that he was obviously still troubled and losing sleep, Kaoru was acting like none of it had ever happened, which made it much easier for Hikaru to do the same, at least during the day. They attended the host club, wooed their ladies and acted their parts like nothing at all was ever wrong between them, and as the days went by, Hikaru started thinking less and less about the summer, over joyed that he had his twin back the way he always was. Until, that is, one day after the final bell rang and they were packing up. Kaoru had turned to say something to his twin, but Haruhi, the classmate that Hikaru had been jealous of all summer, beat him to it.

“Kaoru! Walk with me to the music room?”

Hikaru scowled at her behind her back. He didn’t mean to, in fact, he quite like Haruhi himself, but the memories of summer had returned to his mind, and the old resentment he felt towards her and her role in taking Kaoru away from him started to resurface. Knowing he was out of place, he forced himself to shrug and turn away. Honestly, Kaoru was back to being Kaoru and they were all friends. He knew his annoyance was unwarranted. That said, he still couldn’t stop his words from coming out short.

“Fine with me.” He swung his bag around his shoulder and headed for the door. “Ill meet you guys there.” On a whim, as he was passing the doorway he added “I have to make a phone call anyway.”

It was another lie, and it left an unpleasant taste in his throat. He walked slowly down the hall, wondering why he had felt the need to add that. Taking out his phone, he read over the messages he’d received from Kaori over the past few days, none of which he had replied to. He just didn’t know what to say to her, and every time he started writing something back, he had ended up erasing it. He thought maybe he should call her, if only to just make that last statement a little truer.

Sighing, he let his thumb hit the dial button, and brought the phone up to his ear. It rang a few times, and he almost felt relieved at the thought that it might not go through, when there was a soft click in his ear, followed by a greeting.

“Hello? Hikaru?”

Hearing her voice again flipped Hikarus stomach, and he instantly regretted calling her. He swallowed dryly and forced himself to reply.

“Kaori, hi, yeah its me.”

There was a brief pause before the conversation continued.

“How are you? Have you been getting my messages? Is that why you called?”

Hikaru grimaced.

“Ah… yeah I guess so.”

There was another pause, and Hikaru felt himself growing uncomfortably awkward. On the other end of the line, he heard Kaori breath in.

“So… I really am sorry, I shouldn’t have pushed it on you like that… and I really do want to see you again. We’re both in the city, right? Can we meet up this weekend?”

Hikaru ran his free hand over his face. He knew that that was what she was going to ask, and he knew that he just couldn’t agree, but he was finding it a lot harder than he thought it would be to say so. For a split second he thought of actually going to see her again, but the memory of his brothers face when he saw the hickey she had left on him shone bright in his mind, and he swallowed the urge to say yes down. He took a deep breath, steeling himself.

“Look, Kaori, don’t worry about summer, I was in the wrong too okay? I totally get why you did that, and I’m sorry I couldn’t reciprocate, its just…” his resolve wavered, but he forced himself to go on. “Look, I’m really sorry, but I can’t meet up with you again.” His brothers enraged face burned in his vision. “Summer was great and all but… I’m sorry I just don’t think it’s a good idea…” his voice petered out, and he felt absolutely pathetic.

The line was quiet for an immeasurable time. He could hear her soft breathing in his ear, and he knew that she was barely holding it together. Guilt and regret crashed around inside him, and he was painfully aware that the only reason she ever got involved was because he couldn’t handle his jealously. Finally, she spoke up.

“I get it.” She was quiet, and Hikaru could hear the hurt in her voice, which twisted the knife in his gut. “It’s okay, at least we had summer.” She paused. “I really do like you Hikaru, so if you decided that maybe you do want to… to meet up at all just… just let me… know…” she was crying now, and Hikaru felt absolutely awful.

“Yeah…” it was all he could manage to say.

Without another word, Kaori hung up the phone, leaving Hikaru standing outside the music room alone, and feeling utterly horrid. He leant his forehead against the door, closing his eyes. Truth be told, he actually did like having Kaori as a friend, but the idea of upsetting Kaoru like that again just… he couldn’t do it.

With a sigh, he opened the door and stepped though into the swirling rose petals. Once they had settled and he could look around, he noticed he was the first one there, and his mind instantly jumped to the fact that Kaoru must have still been with Haruhi. His jaw clenched automatically and he flopped down onto the sofa. Why did the thought of his brother with anyone else get him so riled up? He _knew_ that expecting his brother to stay with him and only him for the rest of their lives was unrealistic, and he _knew_ that one day Kaoru would branch out on his own, but somewhere deep inside him he really wished that that day would never come. But then, was it really normal for a twin to be so very protective of their sibling? Why was he getting so worked up?

These thoughts chased themselves around and around inside his mind, driving his conversation with Kaori away. All he really knew, even if he didn’t know why, was that he wanted his brother all to himself. If he had that, then surely he would be happy. 


	5. Chapter 5

Hikaru knew instantly that whatever Haruhi had said to Kaoru was making him act strange. It was obvious over the next few days that his twin was on edge, giddy even, despite his blatant efforts to cover it up. No one else around them seemed to be aware that anything was different at all, but Hikaru just _knew_.

Often he would get the feeling of being watched as he sat in class, and every time he would glance across at his brother from the corner of his eye, he would see Kaoru staring at him with an implacable expression. And every time he would catch the pink tinge that would seep into his cheeks when he seemed to realise what he was doing. The whole situation made Hikaru uneasy and, after a week of it, he decided to confront Haruhi, and demand to know what was going on.

His chance came one afternoon after the Host Club wrapped up, and Kaoru disappeared into the bathroom, looking pale. Hikaru set aside the tea tray he was carrying and, without a word, grabbed Haruhi by the hand, leading her out of ear shot of the other members.

He turned to face her, ready to use verbal force if necessary, but was taken aback to find her wary smile in place of the expected confusion.

“You’re worried about Kaoru right?”

Hikaru swallowed hard, not sure on what to say.

“Uh…” he cleared his throat and straightened up. “Yeah. You realised too then?”

Haruhi laughed softly.

“Of course. He may as well be wearing a neon sign.”

Hikaru couldn’t hold back a giggle at that. Catching himself and remembering he was meant to be on the offensive, he cleared his throat again and made his expression stern.

“What did you guys talk about? Whatever it was, it’s had this effect.”

Haruhi smiled and shook her head, holding up a hand.

“Sorry Hikaru, but I don’t kiss and tell.”

Something in Hikarus gut twisted painfully at her words. He knew it was just an expression, so why was he feeling angry?

The hand Haruhi was holding up came to rest thoughtfully on her chin.

“Hmm... That may have been a poor choice of words.”

She seemed to get lost in thought then, and didn’t notice Hikarus nostrils flare, or his eyes widen in displaced anger. Poor choice of words indeed. Hikaru was unable to stop the image of Kaoru and Haruhi together from springing up in his mind, and he felt a heat under his skin that he didn’t understand. More than ever he needed to know what happened.

“Haruhi, tell me.” Was his voice shaking, or was it the blood roaring in his ears? “Whats making Kaoru act like this?”

Haruhi had come too, and was now well aware of Hikarus emotion. She held up her hands again, very much on the defensive, but she still didn’t budge.

“Look, Hikaru, I know you’re worried, but trust me,” she brought one of her hands down to rest lightly on his shoulder. “Kaorus just got a lot on his mind. He’ll come to you when he wants to okay?”

She went to walk away, but Hikaru stopped her.

“Why cant you just tell me?” his voice cracked. “I’m worried about him…”

Haruhi sighed.

“It’s not my place Hikaru. Just, trust me okay?” she gently misplaced the hand that was on her arm and gave him a warm smile. “It really isn’t anything you need to worry about. Besides, if it’s really getting to you, why not ask him yourself?”

She walked away in the direction of Hikarus abandoned tea tray, leaving Hikaru to stare at the ground. Why _didn’t_ he just ask Kaoru? To be honest, the thought hadn’t even crossed his mind, and it worried him. The twins had never kept secrets from one another, and never felt like they couldn’t talk to the other about something that was bothering him.

The memory of summer surfaced in his mind, and he felt a chill run through him. Wasn’t that exactly what he was doing though? Keeping secrets from Kaoru? He swallowed the thought down, rubbing his face just as his brother was walking up to him. He gave a wordless smile, aware of the tension beginning to creep into the atmosphere, and returned to packing away the room.   


 

* * *

That night he slept restlessly. Thoughts flew around his head as he dozed in and out of shallow sleep. He could feel Kaorus breathing through the mattress beneath him, and he knew his twin wasn’t at peace either. More than once he almost spoke up, to ask him about the last few days, and to confess to his lies, but every time his voice caught in his throat and he just couldn’t get the words out. So he feigned sleep, occasionally grunting or moving an arm or a leg as if he were dreaming.

He reasoned with himself. On one hand, the twins were back to being with each other twenty four/seven. Back to how things had always been between them, which is exactly what Hikaru had wanted. On the other hand though, something was bothering Kaoru, and therefore it was bothering Hikaru too. Something that Kaoru couldn’t talk to him about, which actually hurt Hikaru more than it annoyed him.

He risked a peek at his twin, and saw between his thick lashes that Kaoru was wide awake and staring at the roof. The urge to say something swelled within him, but he bit it back. He was supposed to be asleep, what was he going to say? Utter despair crept its way into his chest, and he was forced to turn an involuntary whimper into a strangled sigh, jamming his open eye shut again and hoping Kaoru wouldn’t notice.

Abruptly, he felt the mattress move beneath him, and he couldn’t stop himself from peeking as Kaoru edged out of bed, obviously trying not to disturb his twin. Where was he going? The bathroom? No, he walked straight past the door! Was he sleep walking? No, Hikaru had just seen him wide awake. What was going on?

Silently, Hikaru watched as his brother slipped out of the room. A midnight snack maybe? Surely not, he ate so much at dinner it was a surprise his pants didn’t split. Then where on earth…

Hikaru decided to follow him. Noiselessly, he slid out of bed and tip toed across the room, quietly opening the door and sneaking his head around out to the hallway. Kaoru was just disappearing around the far corner, so Hikaru crept as silently as he could over the floor boards, a thousand excuses for if his twin caught him running through his head. He reached the corner just in time to see a door half way down the next hall close. The guest bathroom? Why was he going in there?

Slowly, Hikaru made his way towards it, internally praying he wouldn’t be heard. Not even thinking about what he was doing, he pressed his ear against the wood. He could hear an unsteady breathing on the other side, and he realised Kaoru must either be very close to, or even leaning against, the door. It dawned on him that he was in fact spying on his brother, and his stomach flipped, not entirely in distaste. He’d never, ever, felt that he had to spy on his own twin before, and the new experience was both shameful, and slightly exciting. He fought to control his own breathing as a feeling of eagerness grew within him. Of course, it could just be that Kaoru was having a late night shower… but what if it wasn’t?

He heard movement on the other side of the door, and a few seconds later the sound of running water drowned out his twins breathing. Before long he felt the cool tendrils of steam from the other room around his ankles, and was surprised to find he was somewhat over sensitive to it. In fact, he was wide awake, excited and insanely curious. He pressed his ear harder against the door, sliding slowly towards the old-fashioned key hole, silently thanking whatever god may be out there that his mother was a traditionalist.  

For a while all he could hear was the running water, and his excitement started to waver. Maybe Kaoru really was just having a shower. A pang of disappointment ran through him, leaving a bitter taste in his mouth. He wasn’t sure what he wanted to happen, but whatever it was, it wasn’t something as mundane as a shower in the guest bathroom. He was about to give up and go back to bed when a sound caught his attention.

Was that a moan?

He pressed his ear harder against the wood, his curiosity flaring up again. The sound of his brothers heavy breathing floated to him from the next room, occasionally interrupted by a whimper or a gasp, and Hikarus eyes widened in alarm as it dawned on him. Was Hikaru… was he _masturbating_? The word seemed to rebound around and around inside his head as new sounds seemed to scream their way into his ears. Splashing water, wet skin against wet skin, his brothers moans of pleasure… they crashed over him like a tidal wave.

Yet Hikaru didn’t pull away.

His mind was crying at him to leave, to go back to bed, but he couldn’t tear himself away. As he sat and listened to his twin pleasuring himself in the next room, he became aware that somehow, his own body was reacting. A warm, tingling feeling burst within him, spreading slowly out from his navel, and he felt his heart beat a little faster. Sweat beaded on his skin as he fought to control his breathing. What was he _doing_?

His twins voice from the other room brought him back to the present.

“H…ru…”

What? What was he saying?

“H… ru…”

He sucked in a gasping breath. A name? Was he calling someones name? Whos?

Hikarus skin was well and truly on fire now, and he felt his body shiver. His mouth watered, his heart pounded, _what was he doing_?

A gasping whimper from the bathroom made his fingers curled against the wood. He was desperately turned on, and a feeling of shame and disbelief engulfed him. He was listening to his twin brother masturbate, and it was turning him on. What kind of pervert was he?

Yet he couldn’t move. His ear was still pressed against the wood, and his whole body was twitching, begging to be touched, pleading for sensation.

“Hi…karu…”

A whine escaped him. Had Kaoru just called his name? Surely not… yet…

“Kaoru…”

He was almost silent, his voice so quiet he wasn’t even sure he had said it. His mind was reeling, his body uncontrollable. Before he could think to stop himself, his fingers had curled under his waist band, clutching hesitantly at his swollen arousal. Maybe this was all a dream? Surely it was all a dream…

He moved his hand.

It has to be a dream.

On the other side of the door, Kaoru called his name.

_It has to be a dream._

Hikaru bit back his voice, wanting to cry out his pleasure, wanting to give in to the heat and the excitement. He leaned into the door, unable to support his weight on just his knees. His free hand splayed on the wood, scratching at the grain. His twins voice grew louder through the key hole, his breathing getting more and more erratic as he built towards his climax.

Hikaru had abandoned all rational thought as he lay waste to his body out in the quiet hallway. All he wanted was to hear more of his twins sweet voice, to hear his name called out drenched in ecstasy.

“Kaoru…” he forced himself to whisper. “Kaoru… oh fuck…”

He longed to see his brothers face as he heard what could only be his orgasm through the door. His hand moved furiously, desperate to join his twin. Hikaru barely had time to stuff his fist in his mouth, biting down hard as he reached his own climax. Stars burst behind his eyelids, and his mind went pure white. Of course he had masturbated before, but never had he experienced such intense pleasure as that. His body shook and convulsed, and his breathing was ragged and sharp as he slumped against the door.

A moment passed as he came down from the high, and as his mind cleared, he once again became aware of exactly what had happened. His heart beat heavy in his chest, and the sudden silence seemed to resonate in the empty hallway. He realised his hand was still resting against his thigh under his boxers, and he yanked it out as if he’d been electrocuted. Staring at the creamy white substance clinging to his fingers, a dreadful sense of horror started to dawn over him.

_What had he done?_

He scrambled to his feet, forgetting about the noise he was making. His head was reeling, his heart was racing, his legs were shaking. The sound of the shower was still drifting through the door, and it brought the fact that Kaoru was just on the other side of it back to his attention, making him freeze. He was a mess, floundering, unable to catch a coherent thought in his mind.

He had to go back.

Clumsily, he stumbled back along the hallway, hardly daring to believe what had just happened. Their room seemed to be such a long way away, even though it was only around the corner, and he was sure that any second his parents or a maid would appear in front of him and demand to know what was going on. The thought of trying to explain sent an icy shiver up his spine.  How would anyone explain that?

He finally made it back to their room and all but crashed through the door. His wild eyes glanced around the darkened walls, searching for something, anything.

Bathroom. He had to clean up before Kaoru got back.

Before Kaoru got back.

He lunged at the bathroom door, clinging onto the handle for dear life. His whole body was shaking, his skin crawled and his head ached. He couldn’t believe… he didn’t _want_  to believe what he had just done, and he forced the reality back.

In the bathroom, he leaned over the sink, the faucet pouring hot water and creating a thin mist around his head. Almost desperately, he splashed his face with the scalding liquid, washing the evidence from his hands at the same time. Almost on the verge of tears, he wrenched his boxers off, lobbed them into the laundry basket, and splashed himself with water until he was clean. His head spun in the confined space, and he crouched on the tiles, unable to deny it any longer.

He had masturbated to his twin brother.

Guilt and shame crashed over him, and he felt tears sting his eyes. What the fuck was he thinking? What the fuck had he done? What the fuck was he going to do now?

Right. What was he going to do now?

He clutched onto the question, needing to hold on to something, anything, to keep him from breaking down. Kaoru was going to come back soon, he needed to get back to bed and act like he was asleep. If Kaoru ever found out about this… No. He wouldn’t.

With a new determination, Hikaru hurriedly patted himself dry. Hopefully Kaoru would go straight to sleep and not notice the state he was in. He repeated that thought to himself over and over as he climbed back into bed, tossing and turning a few times in a vain attempt to get comfortable and make it seem like he had never left. His heart was still pounding in his ears and he couldn’t close his eyes while he waited in the silent darkness, and it wasn’t long before he heard the sound of the door.

He almost held his breath, but managed to force himself to keep breathing steadily, scrunching his eyes shut and turning his head away as Kaoru gingerly slid in next to him. He prayed and begged that Kaoru wouldn’t notice that he was awake, and was relieved that after only a few minutes, he was soundly asleep.

That night, Hikaru lay awake as far from his twin as he could get. It was the first night he could ever remember not having at least his pinky finger brushing against his brothers skin.


End file.
